Saturday, March 13, 2010

Bullshit soup

Finally, the couch is warm.  I hate when ur buns first hit the leather, and u instantly feel a cold chill all around your body, one of the most unwelcoming feelings. Well, thats besides the point.  I had a good set tonight at the I-Candy coffee shop , well, one of my better one's.  Every comic hopes that his or her material will get a response and that some of it can be kept for actual shows.  Now,  what this means is, suppose 5 jokes are said, u want at least 1 or 2 of those to be keepers.  Thats just how it goes, some of your material goes straight to shit, some is descent and can be worked on, and the last one, the golden one, is the one you hope takes u to stardom. ha.  u hope it's an instant winner. Before you get up, u have to sign up and wait your turn, in this period all the comics usually talk and bullshit with one another.  We have fun just exploring topics and exhausting our thoughts.  The topic of women came up today, as it happens to be popular amongst males, and we began discussing our experiences and troubles with women.  After all these years and centuries that have passed, it amazes me that men and women are STILL trying to figure out one another.  It's an ongoing process that still keeps our minds thinking, "what the hell does she want",  "what the hell does he want"  why can't we just be.  It's such an interesting topic.  My sister calls me  almost everyday with some new encounter she's had with some guy, and how she thinks he's cute and he thinks she's cute, and their on going dilemma because somewhere down the line he turned into a weirdo.  When a girl says that, it means that either he lost interest, she lost interest and he stayed persistent, or that they were both awkward and she didn't want to admit it so she blamed him.  This is what I like to call bullshit soup.  We have all had a bowl of bullshit soup, and if you haven't yet, you will eventually, you wont like it, but you'll learn to gulp it down.  Don't plug your nose, allow yourself to taste every disgusting drop, but force it down, it's important that you're familiar with the taste.  I have had my fair share of bullshit soup, even when i don't order it.  Sometimes I just want a good old bowl of tortilla soup or cauliflower soup that i had once and loved, but instead, some one sends over a piping hot bowl of bullshit, with a little packet of crackers, good ol saltines. Oh yea, for those of you who don't know, bullshit soup is another name for interactions between male and females that turns sour or ugly.  I happen to be cursed with the crazy bitch curse.  You can look it up later, but for now, just listen.  I'll explain.  The crazy bitch curse is when a girl appears to be nice and wholesome, then she turns into the bitch from the exorcist.  At this point u can do two things, u can either run, or fight the bitch.  I like to put up a fight, maybe cus i'm a guy or I just like to get to the bottom of things.  This probably happens because I'm a laid back guy and very easy to talk to. Some may think different, but for most, this is how I come off.  My character seems to attract some very screwed up people, both male and female, but females in particular.  It's like god has a giant pez dispenser just full of em, and he's just pushing them all on me.  what an asshole.  My most recent encounter was no different than my  previous one, except i trusted the person more than i did the first time. She started off very sweet and caring, it was very genuine, and I thought wow, its extremely rare to find such a nice person, girl of guy but especially girl.  She was a cool cat, very easy to talk to and you could be honest, something that I hold to the highest of all traits. She had it.  She had a boyfriend and was having relationship problems with him, so she found a nice shiny dildo, aka me, and decided that she wanted to have me in her life.  this meaning, at her convenience.  In the process, if though i could see it coming, I began developing an attraction toward this girl.  Whenever we met, she would bring up her boyfriend and ask me for advice, and like a good dildo, I replied.  I didn't mind at the time because I was just being friendly and when someone asks u something, u givem an answer, good or bad.  this type of friendship went on for a while, until I had to tell her the truth.  It was eating me inside, I had actually grown to like her, even though she was in a relationship.  So one night, we had gone to a comedy show, me, my roommate alex  and "this" girl.  Through out the night, I couldn't think of anything else except for my feelings for her, I looked like an idiot, cus here i was in a comedy club, with all these people around me laughing, with a frown on my face, sucking through the straw what was left of my first drink(there was a 2 drink minimum). The show finally ended, i just wanted to get the hell home at that point, maybe facebook or try to write some material, do some push ups or something.  The car ride home was awkward, silence filled the car, but I didn't give a fuck.  I was like a taxi driver, just trying to get to the next destination.  She uttered a few words to cut the silence but that didn't last.  We finally arrived home and soon after she left.  Later that night she called me and told me that she knew what was wrong and that we should talk.  I didn't want to, but i did. She came over and we discussed my feeling and hers.  I told her that she treated my like a dildo, just wipping me out when she felt the need. Naturally, she denied it but still expressed her remorse for the situation.  She told me that I was a good person and that she genuinely enjoyed me company.  She also said that she had to control herself from developing feelings for me, and that she would most probably be with me if she weren't in a relationship. I'm not sure how much of that is true but it seemed like it at the time.  After that, I made it clear that I couldn't be "friends"  with her, I couldn't be her gay friend or pocket dick.  I told her I still wanted in her in my life because she was a good human being, but i didn't know how.  After this there was a club event, which i fuckin hate but i went cus it was my roommates event, it was a middle eastern theme party, with a bunch of guys with egos poppin out their shirts, more than their hair.  but anyway, there was some miscommunication between, her, her friends, and me and my roommates, thats what happens when u mix alcohol and loud music.  Anyways, we established the fact that it was a miscommunication and I apologized for the incident, but i don't think it got through to her.  Eventually some time passed and the quarter came to an end.  I left for winter break and on my 7 hr drive home, I texted her, telling her to have a good break and hoped to see her after break.  she replied wishing me the same. At the time I felt alleviated  because we left on good terms. I would only later find out that this was not true. Break came to an end and around this time was new years and her birthday so I wished her happy new year and birthday.  I didn't get any response back but I figured she got it. School started a few days later and I i started bullshitting about break and what i did, with my roommates.  She came up in the conversation and then for some reason, my roommates felt the need to tell me some extra information.  You see, she would always talk to my roommates about me and other stuff, which was fine, but some of the information being passed wasn't getting back to me. Well, she told my roommates that it didn't matter if she never met me, and that I didn't matter, and that she didn't want anything to do with me.  When i first heard this, I was surprised, hurt, and curious.  You see, I had done nothing to deserve those words, or so i thought/think.  She wanted nothing to do with me, ok fine, if thats the way you feel, just rub the lamp and your wish is granted.  Did i want this to happened, not in a million years, I hate ending any type of relationship with people i care about, my roommates know this by now.  I don't give a fuck if you're a dog, a pair of shoes, a girl, a guy, my roommate, the mailman, if I have gotten to know you and we hit it off, I value you and your relationship with me. I hold you tight like a mother holds her child to her breast, while it suckles her tit. I'm glad my roommates told me that information because I was still thinking about contacting her after break. But after hearing those words, I have no reason to reconnect.  The message is clear and I'll respect her wish. Do i understand it, no, but I'll do as she says. Hopefully we can one day be friends, but if not, I wish her well and maybe i'll run into her at the grocery store.