Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Sorry can you repeat that please

There's something about becoming a better writer that fascinates me, it goes back to all the comedians I respect and their ability to write content.  When you're a good writer, its amazing seeing the words you've written flow out on paper just as they were in your head.  Its so easy to spot shitty writing because it looks and sounds like it was written by someone listing off their credentials in a job interview.  Writing is so simple yet so complicated because while trying to simplify it, we complicate it.  For instance, the natural urge is to sound intelligent rather than being clear, so while trying to sound intelligent, the clarity is often lost.  I've been in a number of conversations where I just want to tell the person, "just shut the fuck up, gather up your thoughts and speak".  If you're talking about walking your dog, I don't need to hear the word juxtapose. I'm better off talking to an immigrant who speaks broken english, at least they can be understood. Isn't that funny? We spend years educating ourselves, going to the best schools we can, preparing ourselves for the future, and at the end of it we cant even ask someone for directions without confusing the fuck out of them. Whats going on here?

Speaking of "words", there are some "words" that need to be retired. Here's two that come to mind

1. Awkward- Cant stand hearing this word anymore because its applied to EVERYTHING. "Oh my god that's so awkward, you're so awkward, he's so awkward, she's so awkward, this sandwich is so awkward, my toes are so awkward, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

2. To be Honest- Now I realize that's a phrase, but it needs to be ridden of.  Its always used with the most mundane situations. Whats the obsession with saying that, "To be honest, I love cookies, to be honest I feel really full, to be honest I ate 3........., to be honest I didn't really talk to her much. To be honest, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

My perspective is always "what the..." or "why the..." I think the world would be a better place if we didn't always have our noses up webster's ass so much.  Everything in moderation, so stop trying to sound like a godamn genius all the time, I just wanna know how to get onto the freeway

Friday, January 3, 2014

And a Happy New Year........Ya Filthy Animals

Happy New Year, years? Always been confused about that. At the moment, we're getting ready for some cock.....tails.  I'm making some simple syrup, for those of you who don't know, simple syrup is made by boiling water and sugar until it becomes thick and cummy, tastes great.  I started writing this on New Years eve which is why its in past tense.  I had a great new years eve this year, we spent it at home, with family, friends, food and alcohol, what better company........I prefer being able to pass out on a fluffy couch instead of a bathroom stall in some shitty club.  Those fixed price new years parties are the worst, you pay through the ass, look around for parking that costs as much as your mortgage, wait in line with a bunch of faggots, then when you finally get in you just wanna get hammered but have to make your way through the stampede of people in order to get to the bar. Then you walk around for a few hours with an erection listening to shitty music.  Some people think thats fun, not I.

I've enjoyed my time with my family, playing with my nephews and nieces, hanging out with my cousins, my mom and my sister, its been a gay ol time.  I'm not really in the mood to write at the moment but I'm forcing my mind to do it anyway.  One of the things I plan on changing this year is to force myself to do certain tasks so they become automatic without thinking, regardless of how I feel "that day or moment".  Its the only way to advance.  The majority of the things we do without thinking are paying bills and going to work, everything else is up to our mood, energy level and whatever else bullshit you can think up.  We have zero discipline when it comes to US and promises we should make to OURSELVES instead of others.  For instance, we'll show up at 5am or maybe 4am to workout out with a trainer but when it comes to US we'll skip or make an excuse.  We lack the discipline to fulfill promises to ourselves and its an extremely shitty trait we carry.  This is the year, at least for me, to rid myself of this poison that has manifested my soul and prevented me from achieving the success I strive for. Imagine how much progress you can make by keeping the promises you make to yourself instead of others....You could go from fat to fit, poor to rich, illiterate to literate, black to white(sadly thats possible), man to woman, whatever the hell you want. If you simply answer to yourself, be your own boss, your own trainer, whatever.  I just cant stand another day of waking up at 6am for someone else and not for myself.  Lets set our alarms for 630am and no snoozing, ok maybe one snooze but thats it. New Year, New attitude.

Happy New Year Ya Filthy Animals
(home alone reference for those you who grew up in Africa)

Your one and only,