Tuesday, December 14, 2010

That Girl

Ha, there's always that girl. That girl who makes you smile every time you see her, that girl who makes you walk the longer way just so you don't have to see her, that girl u keep trying to say hi to but she constantly manages to dodge you, that girl that you see everyday but never say anything to, that girl who fucked you over but you still dwell on her like she actually DID care, that girl who caught your eye but thats about it, that girl you just want to hug, that girl you want to kiss, that girl you want to do the NASTY with and get dirty, that girl who you want to knock the fuck out, that girl who you want to give a wedgie to until it hurts, that girl whose head you want to dunk into a bucket of boiling water, that girl who didn't give two shits about you and now all of a sudden does, that girl who hated on you when you weren't "as cool" and now you got it goin on, and then....... and then there's THAT girl, who makes you lose your composure when you see her, who makes you melt inside and lose ur shit, who makes you say one dumb thing after another because your mouth and brain aren't co-operating due to the "poison ivy" effect, that is when a girl has you in a trance due to some type of chemical/pheromone she releases. The girl who makes you loose your "cool guy" persona, that you lose as soon as she walks in the door, who gives you a tingly feeling inside, that girl who makes you stutter, who makes you think, "Is she the one?" or maybe just another nightmare in disguise? whatever, i'll just go with the flow and see what she brings to the table. that girl who you think about while drinking a glass of Tropicana Simply Orange because something about the citrus and sweetness of the orange just reminds you of her, or when you brush your teeth, you think of her teeth and her smile, that girl who has the softest most luscious lips you've ever kissed, that girl who's kiss you crave, that girl whose hips you cant wait to caress, whose hair you cant wait to smell and stroke, that girl whose eyes you want to gaze into as you contemplate when to kiss her, is it too soon?, should i move my leg so i can go in smooth?, oh shit I just elbowed her, should my hand be touching her hand, should i just go for it, what if she doesn't want it, should i ask permission? no thats stupid, I'm a man, and dam it I'll kiss her if I want to.......fuck, here come the butterflies again, i think I need to drink a can of "OFF", ok i'm gonna do it, ahhh shit whats holding me back, why am i sitting so awkwardly? ok, fuck it, i'm doing it for real this time, here i go, i look at her, and go in for it........ok i think she liked it, ok, she gave me "the look", the ok, I'm in, now I can let my lips do the rest of the talking, it feels like our lips are ball room dancing with occasional bursts of break dancing. The power of touch never fails to amaze me, I love everything about it, the feeling you get when someone transfers their emotions through a body part=Beauty

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Tomorrows forecast?

My life seems to throw a lot of fast balls at me, mostly caused by my own disorganized life style. Man oh man, my mind is like a big pot of gumbo, all sorts or shit floating around without knowing exactly what it is. the big chunks in the pot are usually late fees i havent paid or some type of negative news, those are harder to chew. I always find my self in some sort of pickle, ha, i never use that phrase, soo white, but whatever. I was driving around today and thought, mmh, haven't heard anything from my insurance company, let me givem a ring, turns out that my insurance was inactive, it had been like that for about 2 months. speaking of 2 months, I had lost my license 2 months ago and didn't bother to get a replacement till last week. It made me think, knowing how shitty my luck is, THANK GOD i didn't get pulled over, i didn't have insurance or a fucking license. That would have been shiiiiiiiity!! How would i explain that, well the license part woulda been ok, i coulda just said, oh yea officer weinheimer(real cop I met in canada, whata dick), sorry but i actually lost my license yesterday but i'm in the process of getting a new one. And that woulda been cool. but then, the insurance part woulda been a little tricky, uh sorry officer weinheimer but my insurance got canceled because of my own idiocy, ya see, i forgot to renew it so they canceled it, and here i am, no license or insurance, you think you could let me off with a warning this time. The fuck out. That was that, then I went to a club last night, bought a few drinks too many, had to carry around my passport cus my license hasn't come, almost lost my atm card, luckily i was sober enough to find it, i was supposed to go to six flags today but luckily i was too drunk to get up, and later I decided to check my account just to see what was up, turned out that I only had 80 bucks in it. Now to some, 80 isn't bad, but when you're used to having thousands of dollars in your account(thanks to financial aid) its a little unsettling. It'd be like kobe bryant waking up in an apartment in compton. Luckily my roommates owed me rent so i immediately made a deposit. This got me thinking about my future, being an entertainer, I will be faced with these types of situations, i may be broke. That was my first taste of being broke, but i still had the safety net of school and government funds. Something i wont have in the future. I hadn't felt the lack of money, since I was in highschool. When your at home, you live according to your families means, which in my case was quite humble or a little less. I was still able to get cool things here and there but college really allows you to live the lifestyle YOU want to live. You explore more, you buy the things YOU want because they are you, and no one else has a say. But with freedom comes responsibilities, like making sure you pay your bills, you have food in the fridge, making sure your account is in check, not getting pressured by friends to go out and spend ridiculous amounts of money on drinks and club ho's(you know who you are), and not throwing money around like its monopoly. My problem is that i'm a spender, I like to spend the money i have, financial aid is dangerous in my hands. If i could, i'd buy a house with my grant money, people'd be like, dam yuvi, where'd you get this house, i'd be like, financial aid homie. Thats right, usin my aid to put a roof over my head, literally. But i gotta learn to be a little wiser, maybe i'll start hangin out with jews, or middle aged indian guys. Sometimes i think, it doesn't suit me to be frugal or poor, I have to be rich. I can see myself in the future driving nice cars, wearing nice clothes, I can't picture myself in a honda accord the rest of my life, I can see myself driving a nice black porche carerra, with black interior, with a bangin sound system and some good music. uh that sounds good. But, you never know what awaits you. That goes for the women in my life, or the lack there of. Sometimes I think its a curse to have an "interesting" personality, because the more character you have, the more complicated you become. People get intimidated by strong personalities, me being one. In a way, people are afraid to talk to me, I can sense it. Now, i'm not dwelling on it, just think that people have grown too comfortable with dealing with unoriginal, mundane personalities. Thats why i know that when i meet MY girl, she's gonna be crazy special. there will be no one else like her, and she probably wont date many guys because it takes a special someone to be able to handle her. You see, the more a guy or a girl dates, just means that he or she is able to mix with many people, which in return means that they lack character. average people mingle with other average people, and the select few who are different have a tighter circle, because there are less of us. I really appreciate the friends I have because I know they are truly special people, they are interesting individuals who offer something special to the world. I went off on a lot of random tangents but thats the way life is, it hits you with a lot of ups, downs, curves on so forth. While trying to encourage me, my dad told me, " Yuvi, life is like a life line, the more ups and downs you have the better, because once the line goes flat, its all bad news". that was one of the best examples my dad or anyone has given me because it changed my perception of life. Even with the weather channel, you never know tomorrows forecast, could be sunny, or could be cloudy as hell. bust out the shorts, but bring an umbrella in case.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Bullshit soup

Finally, the couch is warm.  I hate when ur buns first hit the leather, and u instantly feel a cold chill all around your body, one of the most unwelcoming feelings. Well, thats besides the point.  I had a good set tonight at the I-Candy coffee shop , well, one of my better one's.  Every comic hopes that his or her material will get a response and that some of it can be kept for actual shows.  Now,  what this means is, suppose 5 jokes are said, u want at least 1 or 2 of those to be keepers.  Thats just how it goes, some of your material goes straight to shit, some is descent and can be worked on, and the last one, the golden one, is the one you hope takes u to stardom. ha.  u hope it's an instant winner. Before you get up, u have to sign up and wait your turn, in this period all the comics usually talk and bullshit with one another.  We have fun just exploring topics and exhausting our thoughts.  The topic of women came up today, as it happens to be popular amongst males, and we began discussing our experiences and troubles with women.  After all these years and centuries that have passed, it amazes me that men and women are STILL trying to figure out one another.  It's an ongoing process that still keeps our minds thinking, "what the hell does she want",  "what the hell does he want"  why can't we just be.  It's such an interesting topic.  My sister calls me  almost everyday with some new encounter she's had with some guy, and how she thinks he's cute and he thinks she's cute, and their on going dilemma because somewhere down the line he turned into a weirdo.  When a girl says that, it means that either he lost interest, she lost interest and he stayed persistent, or that they were both awkward and she didn't want to admit it so she blamed him.  This is what I like to call bullshit soup.  We have all had a bowl of bullshit soup, and if you haven't yet, you will eventually, you wont like it, but you'll learn to gulp it down.  Don't plug your nose, allow yourself to taste every disgusting drop, but force it down, it's important that you're familiar with the taste.  I have had my fair share of bullshit soup, even when i don't order it.  Sometimes I just want a good old bowl of tortilla soup or cauliflower soup that i had once and loved, but instead, some one sends over a piping hot bowl of bullshit, with a little packet of crackers, good ol saltines. Oh yea, for those of you who don't know, bullshit soup is another name for interactions between male and females that turns sour or ugly.  I happen to be cursed with the crazy bitch curse.  You can look it up later, but for now, just listen.  I'll explain.  The crazy bitch curse is when a girl appears to be nice and wholesome, then she turns into the bitch from the exorcist.  At this point u can do two things, u can either run, or fight the bitch.  I like to put up a fight, maybe cus i'm a guy or I just like to get to the bottom of things.  This probably happens because I'm a laid back guy and very easy to talk to. Some may think different, but for most, this is how I come off.  My character seems to attract some very screwed up people, both male and female, but females in particular.  It's like god has a giant pez dispenser just full of em, and he's just pushing them all on me.  what an asshole.  My most recent encounter was no different than my  previous one, except i trusted the person more than i did the first time. She started off very sweet and caring, it was very genuine, and I thought wow, its extremely rare to find such a nice person, girl of guy but especially girl.  She was a cool cat, very easy to talk to and you could be honest, something that I hold to the highest of all traits. She had it.  She had a boyfriend and was having relationship problems with him, so she found a nice shiny dildo, aka me, and decided that she wanted to have me in her life.  this meaning, at her convenience.  In the process, if though i could see it coming, I began developing an attraction toward this girl.  Whenever we met, she would bring up her boyfriend and ask me for advice, and like a good dildo, I replied.  I didn't mind at the time because I was just being friendly and when someone asks u something, u givem an answer, good or bad.  this type of friendship went on for a while, until I had to tell her the truth.  It was eating me inside, I had actually grown to like her, even though she was in a relationship.  So one night, we had gone to a comedy show, me, my roommate alex  and "this" girl.  Through out the night, I couldn't think of anything else except for my feelings for her, I looked like an idiot, cus here i was in a comedy club, with all these people around me laughing, with a frown on my face, sucking through the straw what was left of my first drink(there was a 2 drink minimum). The show finally ended, i just wanted to get the hell home at that point, maybe facebook or try to write some material, do some push ups or something.  The car ride home was awkward, silence filled the car, but I didn't give a fuck.  I was like a taxi driver, just trying to get to the next destination.  She uttered a few words to cut the silence but that didn't last.  We finally arrived home and soon after she left.  Later that night she called me and told me that she knew what was wrong and that we should talk.  I didn't want to, but i did. She came over and we discussed my feeling and hers.  I told her that she treated my like a dildo, just wipping me out when she felt the need. Naturally, she denied it but still expressed her remorse for the situation.  She told me that I was a good person and that she genuinely enjoyed me company.  She also said that she had to control herself from developing feelings for me, and that she would most probably be with me if she weren't in a relationship. I'm not sure how much of that is true but it seemed like it at the time.  After that, I made it clear that I couldn't be "friends"  with her, I couldn't be her gay friend or pocket dick.  I told her I still wanted in her in my life because she was a good human being, but i didn't know how.  After this there was a club event, which i fuckin hate but i went cus it was my roommates event, it was a middle eastern theme party, with a bunch of guys with egos poppin out their shirts, more than their hair.  but anyway, there was some miscommunication between, her, her friends, and me and my roommates, thats what happens when u mix alcohol and loud music.  Anyways, we established the fact that it was a miscommunication and I apologized for the incident, but i don't think it got through to her.  Eventually some time passed and the quarter came to an end.  I left for winter break and on my 7 hr drive home, I texted her, telling her to have a good break and hoped to see her after break.  she replied wishing me the same. At the time I felt alleviated  because we left on good terms. I would only later find out that this was not true. Break came to an end and around this time was new years and her birthday so I wished her happy new year and birthday.  I didn't get any response back but I figured she got it. School started a few days later and I i started bullshitting about break and what i did, with my roommates.  She came up in the conversation and then for some reason, my roommates felt the need to tell me some extra information.  You see, she would always talk to my roommates about me and other stuff, which was fine, but some of the information being passed wasn't getting back to me. Well, she told my roommates that it didn't matter if she never met me, and that I didn't matter, and that she didn't want anything to do with me.  When i first heard this, I was surprised, hurt, and curious.  You see, I had done nothing to deserve those words, or so i thought/think.  She wanted nothing to do with me, ok fine, if thats the way you feel, just rub the lamp and your wish is granted.  Did i want this to happened, not in a million years, I hate ending any type of relationship with people i care about, my roommates know this by now.  I don't give a fuck if you're a dog, a pair of shoes, a girl, a guy, my roommate, the mailman, if I have gotten to know you and we hit it off, I value you and your relationship with me. I hold you tight like a mother holds her child to her breast, while it suckles her tit. I'm glad my roommates told me that information because I was still thinking about contacting her after break. But after hearing those words, I have no reason to reconnect.  The message is clear and I'll respect her wish. Do i understand it, no, but I'll do as she says. Hopefully we can one day be friends, but if not, I wish her well and maybe i'll run into her at the grocery store.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Follow the yellow brick ....

Follow the yellow brick road, or so they say.  I'm done "following" anything or anyone, it doesn't seem to work very well for me.  Instead, I'm trying to follow crooked paths and venture into alley ways because they aren't as predictable as my encounters on straight paths.  Doing the right thing hasn't lead me in a very positive light thus far, ha, I'm not saying committing unlawful acts is the answer but hey.  You think if your good to people, then good will come back to you, thats bullshit, cus by now, if good were gold, I'd be a fuckin zillionare, but it seems like god has been robbing me of my "gold".  I want my cut dam it.  But then on the other hand, I may get my cut in a giant lump sum in the future, but I'm not holding anyone to it.  I've learned that I REALLy shouldn't expect anything, luckily comedy has helped me in that aspect.  Jokes don't always work even if you think they should, but you have to keep believing in yourself, cus if you don't, you'll never make it in show business.  Luckily for me, I have immense faith in myself, and in life.  I will never fail, I won't allow it.  And as far as the people who dabble their evil fingers in my bowl of  optimiso soup, I'll simply lick your fingers clean, and continue eating my delicious soup.  This goes for life in general, if you trip, acknowledge it but keep walking as if you didn't, if someone screws with your emotions, have a bowl of optimiso soup and maybe a shot of some good tequila and you'll be grrrreat.  I love comedy, it's what I live for, honestly, I'm not just saying that to make a powerful statement.  day n night, it's comedy, but I enjoy discussing honest thoughts.  I feel like I keep writing this blog, but for some reason it feels like a fresh thought every time. Guess thats just because its an on going dilemma.