The Nightmare Before Christ-Mas

Its that time of the year again, Jesus's birthday.  Its funny how Jesus gets all the attention out of everyone, no one gives a shit about Moses or Buddha's birthday.  Those two guys and many others got the ugly end of the stick.  I guess its cus Jesus was a light skin nigga. I'm just glad we have an excuse to eat, could use more days like that.  I don't give a shit if its "worship a goat day" or "Sacrifice Saturday", as long as we get to eat I'm up for it.

In the past I would make "resolutions" just like everyone else, but just like every article you read on earth, no one can keep them. Instead I just continue on the goals I set myself before the new year and perhaps tweek and adjust them.  The new year is nice because it gives you a reason to accomplish them, "hey, new year, new begining, make some shit happen". Thats usually the attitude and its nice to have a reason to make shit happen.  Alright, enough of the wise father talk, lets move on to tits and ass...

Growing up we didn't celbrate Christmas, it was only until my parents split and my mom thought it would be a good way to bring joy into the house.  The first year, we got a tree, presents, lights, and all the christmassy shit a kid could want, felt like we were immigrants who has just come to America.  Up until then Christmas had been this off limits holiday that white people celebrated and was farfetched for us to actually consider.  So when it actually happened in December of 1997, it felt damn good, that plus cable, holy fuck, it was great, at least for me it was.  The following year was a bit rough, mom had gotten really sick and it wasn't the greatest year financially. This sounds like some ancient story about the journey going west. So mom was really sick, sick to the point where she was just sitting on the  bathroom floor completely drained as we aided her with fluids and what not.  She would switch off between dry heaving and actually throwing up. I was 8 or 9 and my sis was about 12 or 13 and we hadn't seen a parent in need at that level so it was a bit intense.  We still had the tree up because she wasn't sick at that point but afterwords I figured, well there wont be any Christmas this year and that was ok.  A few days went by and mom was still sick so there DEFINTIELY wasn't going to be a Christmas. Meanwhile our neighbhors next door were stacking up presents like firewood, they'd come over and cross off their checklist, "skateboard, check" fuckers.   On Christmas morning that year, we woke up and went to the living room  not expecting anything but mom had some things for us,  I was pretty excited.  She gave us a Looney Tunes T-Shirt and a water gun each.  Now that seems pretty funny/shitty and it is, we still joke about that till today,  my mom got mad at me a few days later and ended up breaking my water gun so I actually only got a T-shirt that year.  But yea, we joke about that Christmas all the time, she just called me two days ago and laughed about it so that makes this blog ok....Not callin my mom out for being broke and sick.  Thinking back on that gesture my mom made, by actually thinking "oh shit, its Christmas and the kids wont have anything"....Just the fact that she thought of that, was HUGE, considering we had never celebrated Christmas before that, so she wasn't culturally programmed to make it a priority or of importance but she did, and that was so great of her to do.  That year sticks with me, its impossible to forget, out of all the Christmas stories, that's literally the only one I FULLY remember.  The other years are all jumbled, not that they were insignificant, no, they were awesome but not as memorable as the Christmas of 97.

Donuts and Whores

I'm sitting, well laying on my bed writing this after having eaten 6 slices of thin crust pizza and a bottle of Modelo.  Any Modelo drinkers out there? I'm a fan of mexican beer, it just taste good.  Mexican beer is the only kind of beer that I have an immediate liking for, the others ones I either have to lie, pretend like I appreciate the bitter hoppier taste or "craftsman ship".  Mexicans win it over with me, I like the others but I love mexican.

By the way, if you haven't noticed by now, my past few blogs have had slightly unusual titles, I'm sure you can take a guess why I do this.... Well its partly for "marketing" reasons, cus I enjoy creating strategic mind fucking marking strategies plus I like to see how many word combinations I can come up with. So thats that.

People don't like whiners, unless they're non alcoholic whiners but fuck it, I've got some constructive whining to do.  Its regarding my current status as an actor/comic, so far I'm not getting as many auditions as I'd like.  This is quite normal but I'm not going to sit around and accept that, Its solution time. Some people don't mind riding it out and waiting, but I cant walk into another insurance audition where I play some faggy husband who's on the phone with NO ONE and giving fake facial reactions. And after giving my best faggy expressions, some other faggot books the spot. Its wasted talent.  Its time for CHANGE, going with the obama theme.  And by the way, he acts like he invented the act of CHANGE, what does he think all the other presidents were trying to do?  Apparently Abe Lincoln was just fuckin around freeing slaves and what not. Going back to it, some CHANGE needs to be made and it will be.  Actors are always expected to be at the lower end of things but that's doesn't sit well with me, I don't want to be overtly grateful for "BEING A PART" of something and being fortunate enough to participate as all actors are taught or told to do, FUCK THAT, I'm confident in what I have to offer and I'll respectfully take part in projects that I can offer my "services" and talent to. I say that with respect, not to wave my cock around.  I just don't agree with this slave/owner relationship.  This may not be a fresh thought, but I'm explaining my perspective on it.  We've all tomato soup but everyone makes it a little different, or at least their essence is in it. At the end of the day, creating content is the best and most fun solution.

Stand up has changed as well.  Now, stand up has become this sensitive, censored, politically correct, touchy platform that was once based on absolute raw speech.  I LOVE RAW SPEECH, its the best fucking thing to come out since baklava.  Stand up in the late 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's was awesome, stand ups were free to do their thing and deliver their take on things.  People wanted to hear raw thought, whether they be Y,G,PG, PG-13, R or X-rated, all thoughts were created equal. New views, opinions and thoughts were appreciated and people couldn't wait to leave work, hop in the car or subway and head over to the comedy club to hear them. NOW, now comics are expected to show up at coffee shops or any place with a stage, pay 5 or more dollars, wait 2 or more hours a lot of the time, and play to a crowd full of comics who don't give a shit or to a bunch of pussied out sensitive crowd members.  haha, I sound like such a scrooge, but I'm smiling as I write this because a lot of memories are coming to mind.  You cant even say rape, nigger, fat, skinny, retarded, gay, fag, short, or anything race related without some faggot getting offended, literally and figuratively. Obviously if you get up and start a hate speech, then of course people are gonna want you to get the fuck out but the point of a COMEDY club is to express thoughts you find interesting and funny.  Comics JOKE, not HATE, its simple.  Whatever we talk about has a comedic root, there's no hate, even if its sounds like it comes from a place of hate, we're there to make fun of it, not to try and  get assassinated on a nightly bases.  I'm not running for fuckin congress, there's no march after the show, no bills are gonna be passed, no POW's are gonna be released although that would be nice, at best, at best you'll have one to many, get fucked up with your buddies and get a DUI.  See its about havin a good time so stop getting your panties or thong in a twist.  Just shut the fuck up, grab your girls tits and laugh.


I usually don't like repeating whats been stated in headline news but Paul Walker, man, definitely an influence and someone I grew up watching since age 12.  He's been a part of my movie experience for the past 13 years and I along with a lot of other 12yr olds had a BLAST watching his movies.  For some reason, his death really made me sad, a lot of actors and entertainers die of various causes, accidents, OD's, suicides and what not, but hearing about Paul Walkers was exceptionally sad for me.  I was a fan but I didn't idolize him, yet I feel as if I lost someone I closely admired. I guess it comes down to me not wanting to see someone who had a good presence and quality to them, go so soon. Well I'm glad you got to be in movies I enjoyed watching and hope you enjoyed your awesome time on earth.

Cream and Sugar Please

I really enjoy expanding my mind.  I love reading self help books, motivational books, books on successful people, basically I'll read any book that can help me further expand and gain control over my mind.  You'd think god would give you the power to control your mind but he didn't.  To have absolute control over your mind and emotions is an actual practice that really takes time and commitment like working out in the gym.  This is nothing new, monks have been doing it for centuries but I'm not a monk, I'm a regular guy.  Everyone thinks that you need to be a monk or Yogi or some strange spiritual person to change your mindset but you really don't.  For me its been a mixture of Arnold Schwartzenegger, Steven Pressfield, Sylvester Stallone and Tony Robbins.  These are the people I've used in order to train my mind to think "positively" but better said, progressively.  Thinking positively makes you sound like some whimsical fool caught up in your own fantasy of what life should be, but thinking positively goes way deeper than simply "thinking" positive.  For me, thinking positive is about thinking of the future and leaving the past behind.  Doing this has helped me tremendously because it doesn't allow me to dwell, and dwelling is what eats you up.  For instance, if you spill something or drop a glass, it can effect you if you let it. You start feeling embarrassed, clumsy, childish, "grown ups don't spill or break things".  And especially when other people around you make it a big deal. You ever go to someones house and something spills or gets dropped but everyone carries on talking and laughing as though nothing happened...I like that approach, I'm not saying you should spill, break, crash into people while driving and not give a fuck, but if you do get in an accident, just focus on the solution, that's it. You've heard this a thousand times "think of the solution, not the problem", everyone loves to hear that but hardly anyone truly puts it into practice.  When you actually practice and implement it into your life, you'll handle things much differently and feel a lot better.  I'm tired of everyone thinking that this mind set is unattainable or only suited for those "over joyous", "enlightened" people, its not.  It really is a choice, one that anyone can make but may not necessarily have the insight, awareness or belief in themselves to do so.  Going with the theme, think I'll go pick up the kids from school now and be the daddy I sound like.