Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Laws of Love

I'm nearing the 3 year mark on my relationship with my lovely girlfriend Sona.  She and I have had a good run up until now, I can say without a doubt that it has truly been a great experience and hasn't felt like work one bit. Of course we've had our moments of bickering, I'm a complex man and she's quite a complex little woman.

I want to go over the key things that have made our short but sweet relationship last thus far.

  1. Respect- Although I'm 2 years older than her, I have a lot of respect for her.  I didn't always, I was pretty overbearing, overwhelming, and whatever else starts with "over". Early on, she didn't have strong enough opinions or views on certain subjects, so how the hell was I supposed to respect someone like that?  I pride myself on my opinions and views regardless whether they're right or wrong, they're my god damn views, which I've formed over months and years of careful thought.  Over time, she began forming her own views and sticking with her opinions and she forced me to see it her way, which then forced me to respect her without knowing. You can only respect someone you can confide in, weak minded people don't fit that criteria. I don't waste my time with people like that, so I sure as hell wasn't going to date someone like that.  Now she and I have a mutual respect for one another, I respect her for standing behind her principles and views, and because of that I'm sure she naturally respects me even more.
  2. Communication- Distance has forced us to be better communicators, but I knew the importance of it long before we were apart.  After growing up in a family where my mother wasn't the best at communicating, she was a great mother but not the best communicator, I was informed by close friends of mine how uncertain and wishy washy I could be at times.  After realizing that I immediately thought, "ok fuck that, I'm definitely not carrying that trait down", I felt like an absolute bitch for being that way, after all, a man is supposed to bring a sense of certainty and integrity to the room, none a that "I'm not sure" bullshit. So going forward, from there on out I was always sure to be very clear and transparent in all my interactions and conversations with people. I began explaining the reasoning behind my actions so that no one could misinterpret my motives or reasons for doing or saying a particular thing. I would basically call myself out on most things I did that brought up any hint of question. For instance, "hey when I said THAT I didn't mean to sound like I was annoyed, or hey I know my tone was a bit stern but its cus I was tired, I wasn't mad". So when Sona and I got together, I carried this over and it has definitely taken care of any confusion, frustration, built up anger or whatever else women feel.  You wonder what pushes a woman to cut off her husbands dick in the middle of the night, its miscommunication.
  3. Learn- One of my favorite aspects of our relationship is that we're constantly trying to out learn one another and share our knowledge with each other.  We're a constant powerhouse of progression, mentally and physically. Because of this, we grow together at a mutual rate. You always hear about people's relationships falling apart because of things like "I'm in a different place in my life", or "we didn't really connect any more".  To me that's due to a lack of effort in finding ways to learn from one another.  When you share knowledge, you BOTH gain something and can participate.  Its like going out to eat with a friend at a really good pizza joint, you'll always SHARE that experience and be able to talk about it, same goes for knowledge, except it has a greater residual effect. Over time all the knowledge you keep sharing turns into a giant library that you have both built and coauthored. Now you reach a point where you're soo in tune with one another's psyche that you want to continue building on.
  4. Laughter- With me and Sona, pretty much everything is a joke.  When we're mad at each other,  when we're in bed(sexually and non sexually), when we're eating,  when we're talking, when we're in the car, when she's crying, when we're sad, we're usually laughing at something or the other. I was fortunate enough to find someone who shares the same sense of laughter that I have because its amazing to find the one person you love that doesn't say "Ok, not everything is funny" YES IT IS.  There is always something funny if you apply the situation to another setting.  I enjoy being in her company because I know we're going to laugh together, EVERY TIME, its a money back guarantee.  She knows it, and I know it.  Who wouldn't want to go somewhere where they were guaranteed to laugh every time? 
  5. Support- We have unconditional support for one another.  I will never stop having faith in her as long as we're together and even if we're not. For me, its important to show support and supply solutions to problems.  That's the key to constructive support, support with substance, not just "keep trying your best" but giving actual advice and problem solving support. I'm in a challenging path but she never makes me feel little or that I'm just another sperm in the tube trying to penetrate that giant egg.  She always gives me that pump I need and provides the right words in order to help me along.  I try and do the same, when she's feeling overwhelmed or challenged, we break it down and talk about it without all the distractions and pressures of what it means.  We have the best intentions for one another and we're ultra aware of that, and that has to be taken into full consideration when support is given. Its easy to just hand out support and advice, but when you truly want to support someone, there's a lot of effort and care that goes into your words.
And that's what keeps us together.  uh uh......a bee a bee thats all folks.

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