INADEQUATE

This quarantine has made me face my

inadequacies as a man and provider for my family.

Every day I look at my mom and sister and can't

help but to feel like a failure due to my inability to

be the economic powerhouse I SO desperately

strive to be. I thought this forced entrapment

would cause my creative juices to flow in

abundance, instead it's only caused me to go in to

a frantic internal search of how to be the man I

need to be in-order to serve my family. Man, I feel

like such a fuckin loser. Like a neutered dog,

defeated, deflated, naked and completely

exposed of all my weaknesses. This is nothing

new for me, this feeling of being inadequate, but

I've always convinced myself that through my

discipline, dedication, and commitment to staying

the course that I'd have something to show for. At

this point there is no evidence, no hiding, no

mirage of accomplishment, no pillar of excuses to

lean on, nothing of use, just me and my

inadequacies.